I have these important thoughts in my head but I'm not sure I can get them out properly with all the meds, but I feel it's important that I try. We all do 'stupid things' and I can just hear my kids say BUSTED just by saying that word. My Dad was in the Army and that was a phrase we heard often while growing up. My Dad worked hard to teach me to 'Think things through' first - he had his work cut out for him.
My point is this, every day each of us do something we shouldn't. Sometimes there are consequences and sometimes we scrape by without anyone getting hurt. Sometimes these things happen because we disobey rules or laws. Sometimes we are not doing anything wrong and bad things happen to us. Sometimes we just get carried away with excitement and things go wrong, big and little. I've done plenty of stupid things in my life and that makes me feel very humble at this moment. We need others to be willing to forgive our misdeeds just as much as we need to forgive others.
I keep thinking about the young man that hit me in the pool and what he must be going through right now and I'm sad for him, not angry at him. I certainly learned something from this experience. I was reminded once again how fragile life is. I was reminded how we are judged on the things that we do, think, and say, regardless of anyone else. This is just one of those things that happen in life because we are human and weak. And I have been filled with an emotional comfort despite the physical pain and my heart is full of love.
The only thing I have felt is frustration from trying to to get my physical body back in shape over the past 3 years and 2 months of remission from cancer and facing so many set backs instead of triumphs. I have had to realize that maybe my plan is different from His plan for me. I'll keep trying to figure it out until I can't anymore.
I will admit that I am scared to get back in the pool but I don't want to quit swimming. It's the only exercise I can do without being completely exhausted for days. I have a friend that volunteered to come swim with me. And I might just get in and walk the width of the pool in the shallow end the first time or two. And maybe when I'm up to it I will try water aerobics so I don't have to put my vulnerable head in the water.
Kaleena, thanks for watching my son so I could sleep while my husband was at work today. I know it's not easy to add another bouncing boy into your day. I slept until noon.
I better go, but I had to get these thoughts out of my mind and written down. I can hardly see the computer screen. I have patchy and blurry vision but it's slowly getting better.