Thursday, May 01, 2008

getting better

I've been sick for the last 9 days and struggling just to keep up with the little things - like eating, dishes, laundry - so I haven't been doing much on the computer. I read one of my friend's blogs and she was talking about body image and how we are created in the image of God but how few of us are really happy with what we have. Here was my reply:

I was thinking the other day how good I looked a few years ago compared to now, and how I wished I could get all that back. Chemo did a number on my skin - but it was better than the alternative. I miss my long hair, but it's slowly growing back - although I know that at any moment it could be gone again. Having cancer really changed how I look at things - life seems much shorter now and well, I truly believe if we are faithful, and sacrifice our will for His, he will make it all up to us and it is all worth it in the end. As far as the body image goes, one day it hit me, I better enjoy it now because in a few years I'll be looking back at May 1, 2008 wishing I look like that again!

Here is something I should have added. When I was sick, I didn't look very pretty. I was bald, my skin sagged, and throwing up frequently is not pretty at all. I could do next to nothing - someone else cared for my children, cleaned my house, made our dinners, etc. I couldn't even scrapbook, read, or watch tv for months. I found this quote at :

While you may have cancer, YOU ARE NOT YOUR ILLNESS. And although treatment may temporarily affect your appearance and capabilities,YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE OR WHAT YOU CAN DO.

So I asked myself, "Then what am I?" I could never find the answer inside myself. For months I pondered this question. Then I prayed about it. I remember when the answer came. We were in the car on a rainy day while running errands. As I stared out of the window the answer came clear as day into my mind, "You are a daughter of God." And that was enough. I felt a happiness and peace I had never felt before. We hear it all the time, we sing 'I am a Child of God' on a regular basis, but it is so different when the Holy Ghost whispers to you personally and reminds you of who you really are. This time, it really sunk in.


Krysta said...

I'm sorry your not feeling well. Your probably having flash backs from when you were in chemo and thinking about how awful it was to be so sick. I hope you get better soon. Take care of yourself and rest.

BTW... I think you look amazing! I think that every time I see pictures of you. And then my next thought wouldn't even know by looking at her what she was going through a little over a year ago. Hang in there! I'm glad you got the answer you needed.

Marne said...

Sometimes that is all we need...a simple reminder and peace from the Spirit. Isn't the Gospel wonderful?

Hope you feel better soon!